Bura mat dekho........

Corporate Hierarchy

SALARY THEORAMS.................

RULES OF MEN (HUSBANDS)

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules:

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1.GIRLS are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that

1.Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1.Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be

1.Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1.Crying is blackmail.

1.Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
JUST SAY IT!

1.‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

1.Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for

1.A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor

1.Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days

1.If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us

1.If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one

1.You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done
Not both
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself

1.Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials

1.Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we

1.ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a veggie.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1.If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1.If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle

1.You have enough clothes

1.You have too many shoes

1.I am in shape. Round is a shape.


Thank you for reading this;
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.


Pass this to as many men (Husbands) as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women(Wives) as you can - to give them an education


WITH APOLOGIES TO ALL MY FEMALE FRIENDS

Todays Thought

A kind word spoken can make another's day. A kind word not spoken leaves an empty hole.

LESSONS IN LIFE

# 1
Dont let someone become a priority in your life,
when you are just an option in theirs.
Relationships work best when they are balanced.

# 2
Never Explain yourself to anyone
Because the person who likes you doesnt need it
and the person who dislikes you wont believe it

# 3
When you keep saying you're busy, then you're never free,
When you keep saying you have no time, then you will never have time.
When you keep saying that you'll do it tomorrow, then your tomorrow will never come.

# 4
We make them cry who care for us
We cry for those who never care for us
And we care for those who will never cry for us.

# 5
Dont promise when you are in joy,
Dont promise when you're in sorrow,
Dont take decisions when you're angry
Think twice. Act wise.

# 6
First I was dying to finish high school and start college,
And then I was dying to finish college and start working,
Then I was dying to marry and have children,
And then was dying for my children to grow old enough so I could go back to work,
But then I was dying to retire,
And now I am dying,
And I realised that I completely forgot to live........

Please dont let this happen to you. Appreciate your current situation and enjoy each da

BILL GATES PROBLEMS.....................................HOW TO HANDLE BANTA

Letter from Banta Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.
3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
5. My child learn't 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,

Banta Last one to Mr. Bill Gates: Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?

TOMORROW CAN BE TOO LATE

If you're mad with someone , and nobody's there to fix the situation... You fix it .
Maybe today, that person still wants to be your friend . And if u don't, tomorrow can be too late .

If you're in love with somebody , but that person doesn't know... tell him.
Maybe today, that person is also in love with you .
And if you don't say it, tomorrow can be too late .

If you really want to kiss somebody... kiss him.
Maybe that person wants a kiss from you, too . And if you don't kiss him today, tomorrow can be too late .

If you still love a person that you think has forgetten you... tell him.
Maybe that person have always loved you. And if you don't tell him today , tomorrow can be too late.

If you need a hug of a friend... ask him for it.
Maybe they need it more than you do. And if you don't ask for it today, tomorrow can be too late.

If you really have friends who you appreciate... tell them.
Maybe they appreciate you as well. That if you don't and they leave or go far away today , tomorrow can be too late.

If you love your parents, and never had the chance to show them... do it .
Maybe you have them there to show them how you feel. That if you don't and they leave today , then tomorrow can be too late.

SEND THIS NOTE, WHO SENT IT TO YOU. YOU'LL SEE HOW YOU'RE GOING TO KNOW THAT THERE IS SOME ONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU , THAT YOU DIDN'T KNEW .

Take Care... coz tomorrow can be too late...



LOVE IS SEEING URSELF THROUGH SOMEONES EYES AND FINDING URSELF IN SOMEBODY'S HEART

Marriage does have its benefits.

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God
appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines One line
for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for
the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report
to St Peter."

Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of the
men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long,
and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was
only one man.

God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the
head of your household! You have been disobedient and not
fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him.

God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this
line?"

The man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

You just can't match Marwari !!!

ONLY a Marwari could have accomplished this:-


A keen immigrant Indian Marwari lad applied for a salesman's job at London's premier downtown department store.

In fact, it was the biggest store in the world - you could
get anything there.

The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?" "Yes sir, I was a salesman in Rajasthan in India", replied the lad.

The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you."

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but he got through it. And finally 6:00 PM came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"

"Sir, Just ONE sale." said the young salesman.
"Only one sale?" blurted the boss. "No! No! You see here, most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day.

"If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale.

By the way "How much was the sale worth?"

"Three hundred thousand, five hundred and thirty four
pounds" said the young Marwari.

"What"," How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well", said the salesman, "This man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sell him new fishing rod and some fishing gear.

Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said
down the coast. So I told him he'd be needing a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines.

Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to our automotive department and sold him that new Deluxe 4X4 Blazer.

I then asked him where he'll be staying, and since he had no
accommodation, I took him to camping department and sold him one of those new igloo 6-sleeper camper tents. Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer.

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment,
"You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook!!"

"No" answered the salesman, "he came in to buy a box of Sanitary napkins for his wife and I said to him, "Sir, Your weekends screwed anyway, you might as well go fishing."

Bless men!

A man was riding his harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded
 above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,
'Because you have tried to be faithful
to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.

The biker pulled over and said,
'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'
The Lord said,
'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel
it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to
justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could
possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said,
'Lord, I wish that I and all men could
understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me
the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can
make a Woman truly happy.'

The Lord replied,
'You want two lanes or four on that bridge.

Finally INTELLIGENT sardar mil gaya

A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key West
> to Boston.After almost twenty-four hours on the road,
> They're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop
> for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but
> they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on
> the road.
>
> When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands
> them a bill for $350.. The Sardarji explodes and demands to
> know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although
> it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth
> $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate,
> the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The
>  Manager appears, listens to the Sardarji, and then
> explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge
> conference center
> That were available for the husband and wife to use..
>
> But we didn't use them", the Sardarji complains.
>
> Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the
> Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one
> of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best
> entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform
> here," the Manager says.
>
> But we didn't go to any of those shows," sardarji
> complains again.
>
> "Well, we have them, and you could have", the
> Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager
> mentions, the
> Sardarji replies "But we didn't use it". The
> Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally
> gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it
> to the Manager.
>
> The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check.
> "But sir," he
>  says, "this check is only made out for $100."
> "That's right," says the sardarji,
>
> "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."
>
> "But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
>
> "Well," the Sardarji replies, "she was here,
> and you could have."
>

POWER OF LOVE.....................ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE

Once upon a time in China , a girl named Li-Li got married & went to live with her husband and mother-in-law.

In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law' s habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.

Days passed, and weeks passed. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that,
according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing Li-Li's poor husband great distress.

Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law' s bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it. Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all.

Mr. Huang thought for awhile, and finally said, "Li-iL, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you."

Li-Li said,"Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do. "Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs. He told Li-Li, "You can't use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspect you, when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. "Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen." Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering
her mother-in-law.
Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother.

After six months had passed, the whole household had changed. Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost
never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument with her mother-in-law in six months because she now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.

The mother-in-law' s attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in- law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter. Li-Li's husband was very happy to see what was happening.

One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again She said, "Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep off the poison from killing my mother-in-law. She's changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her."


Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. "Li-Li, there's nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to
improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her."

HAVE YOU REALIZED that how you treat others is exactly how they will treat you? There is a wise Chinese saying: "The person who loves others will also be loved in return. God might be trying to work in another person's life through you. "A candle loses nothing if it is used to light another one . "

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“A man has to live with himself, and he should see to it that he always has good company.”

QUOTE OF THE DAY

IF YOU WANT TO HAVE FRIENDS, BE A FRIEND......................

What a touching moment !!!

What a touching moment !!!

THE POWER OF TOLERANCE

IF YOU REALISE THAT 
EVERYONE IS AN INDIVIDUAL 
WITH HIS UNIQUE PART TO PLAY, 
THEN 

THE POWER OF TOLERANCE 

IS EASY TO DEVELOP.

THE ESSENCE OF TRUST

Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge. The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter, "Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river." The little girl said, "No, Dad. You hold my hand." "What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father. "There's a big difference," replied the little girl. "If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go."
In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond.
So hold the hand of the person who loves you rather than expecting them to hold yours...

POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS

THOSE WHO TELL YOU 

IT CAN'T BE DONE 

HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AROUND, 

BUT PROGRESS HAS ALWAYS 

COME FROM THOSE 

WHO SAID IT COULD BE DONE.

Funny Oxymorons

Funny Oxymorons


An oxymoron is usually defined as a phrase in which two words of contradictory meaning are brought together. The are a few examples: 

1) Clearly misunderstood

2) Exact estimate

3) Small crowd

4) Act naturally

5) Found missing

6) Fully empty

7) Pretty ugly

8) Seriously funny

9) Only choice

10) Original copies


Another Oxymoron was used on Americans, when they couldnt find weapons of mass destruction

11) American intelligence

And Mother of all

12) Happily Married!